3/3/08

I feel like i am at a great place in my life. and i was just lying on my floor looking up at the stars and think when it hit me that maybe i should take a couple of minutes to write down how i am feeling... i want to remember this feeling.
first i think i am unrestrained, by that i mean i don't feel like i am holding myself back. also i think my lack of obligations has really helped me to relax and think about what is important... although i am not able to but "what is important" into word, i can feel it plus i think it's best felt unsaid. I'm doing well in school i mean better then i have ever done before, i have finals the rest of the week and you would think i would be studying but no i won't do it (i might regret this later).
i have been listening to a lot of music lately, more then usual anyway. modest mouse is the current favorite. i wonder if in the future I remember this time in my life whenever i hear a modest mouse song. i hope so.
I have been looking forward to graduation for at least years now, but as it approaches i am becoming more and more afraid of what comes after it. I wanted to talk to john about college but he stopped me and said "where i come from graduation isn't an exciting thing" i think this was a turning point. i realized that i had no idea what i am doing and it's coming up so fast. I'm glad I'm not stressing out about it to much yet.... i kind hope that the answer just come to me even though i know that they probably won't. leaving all the amazing people that i have spent the first 18 years of my life with will be the hardest part. I'm mean john, Chris, drew and Dov are like a family to me. just thinking about leaving gets me upset. i don't want to be upset.
changing the subject. this weekend i am going to drive up to my grandparents house in Davis. should be a really fun experience because i have never driven more then like half of an hour at a time. we are seeing a ballet in San Fransisco and having dinner. it's like my chance to really enjoy my grandparents without any distractions.

thinking things though forces wrong answers. and that is a fact.